she’s mine

by Misty Dawn

she needed everything.

it didn’t seem like much.

but it was.

she needed everything & nothing at the same time.

dad

she didn’t used to even need a shirt . . .

let alone deep conversations about why most things aren’t black or white.

& conversations about why the Word I tell her to live her life by, doesn’t include the answers to the questions she’ll inevitably have . . . because the Word isn’t about her at all.

it’s about Him.

a diaper was enough . . .

although that was mainly for my benefit.

she felt free.

but she wasn’t.

it used to be about hamburger helper & peas, & how delicious they tasted BS

[before spoons]

it was about laying in the grass.

breathing deeply, gazing between my eyes & the sky.

she couldn’t yet speak, but she had a story to tell.  rather, He had a story to tell.

these days its conversations about the vast differences,

& similarities . . .

that God has revealed.

differences & the similarities that are in direct competition with what her world saturates her in.

& not the friendly kind of competition you might see between friends who actually gathered enough people to play sand volleyball at the park around the corner . . .

but the kind of competition you’d see in battle.

a battle for souls.

an eternal battle.

back then . . . .

all she needed was me.

for me to do for her what she couldn’t do for herself.

& then for me to teach her how.

& now it’s not teaching that she wants, but a model.

she doesn’t ask for a model though.

but she needs one.

just like she needed me then.

& later on it won’t be a model that she needs,

it’ll be something else.

I wonder.

I wonder what it’ll be then . . .

As I wonder . . .

I reflect.

& as I reflect . . .

I feel joy.

a joy that wasn’t fully possible in the moment,

but a deeper joy that is possible now.

& I wonder . . .

what is it that’s happening now,

that’ll be my joy in the days to come . . .

& how can I steal some of that joy from later & bask in it now.

how can I step outside of time to experience these moments,

these days . . .

that are like mist on the morning grass,

& fully know them.

& fully enjoy them.

like I’m fully known.

I want that with her . . . because He wants that with me.

her need for me is a reflection of my need for Him.

the battle for her soul is no different than the battle for mine.

letter

He has done for me what I could not do for myself.

& has modeled for me when I didn’t even know I needed a model . . .

&

HE

FEELS

JOY.

He’s outside of time.

&

HE

FULLY

KNOWS.

cherios

she’s my child, like I am His.

like you are His.

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